The other day I engaged in a bold act, going where no student had ever dared to venture before, pushing into a brave new frontier of mystery and adventure: I actually read the North Atlanta Student Handbook. And while reading said handbook, I found that I agreed with many of the issues it addressed. In perusing the “Weapons Section” I’ve come to the following conclusion: I completely concur with the dangers blowdart usage poses to students. However, I did come upon something that deeply disturbed me to my very core: the fact that slippers are banned at North Atlanta. Can I be frank here? This is a massive injustice and infringement on our basic human right of expression clearly outlined in the First Amendment of our great constitution. Now don’t get me wrong, I am not endorsing the wearing of slippers at school in any way. Though I don’t believe they should be a crime against North Atlanta, they are most definitely a crime against fashion.

But seriously North Atlanta: Who are you to tell whatever student that made the odd decision to wear slippers to school that they cannot express their disgusting fashion sense in peace? It’s absolutely stupendously deliciously completely unequivocally undebatably ridiculous. Plus what threat do slippers pose to the school? They are not revealing in any way, in fact they are far less revealing than the extremely scandalous shoe type known as the sandal (which should actually be the shoe banned due to showing an extremely distracting body part: the toes). Plus unlike the rightfully (and oddly specifically banned) nunchucks – read about it right there on page 59– they are very hard (but not impossible) to serve as a murder weapon. And though slippers are listed as a “threat to public health” in the handbook I can confirm based on extremely reliable sources (Wikipedia and Yahoo answers) that slippers are not in fact slippery or dangerous in any conceivable way.

So for these reasons and more I implore you, students, teachers, staff, and whatever other random people lurk around the school, take a stand against the oppression of the student handbook and #saveourslippers.