Drosophila Melanogaster: The common fruit fly. The insect is a wonder of nature, the very picture of creative hyper-development, a being that reaches full maturity in a mere three days. So just how do most at North Atlanta reverentially celebrate this marvel? With a quick and lethal smack.

And why not? These little pests have invaded our building this year, bothering both students and teachers. There’s universal agreement that these pests are annoying. But there’s less consensus about where this current infestation came from. Among some art students there’s a theory: Remember that apple-carving project we did a few weeks ago in Ms. Brandhorst’s room? That’s what brought them here.

Other students cite a different more building-wide factor. The damnable culprit? It’s those seemingly harmless plastic green recycling bins in our classroom! Students errantly throw food in these and then it’s binge time for the little buggers.

Another popular theory is that some scofflaw students are being irresponsible with their lunches. “These flies are everywhere because students are eating outside the lunchroom and they’re not throwing their trash away,” said sophomore Colby Williams.

Think about it. A spilled strawberry smoothie in the stair wells between the fifth and sixth floor is basically like putting up a sign outside our building that says “Fruit Flies Welcome.”

There are many bad things about these swarming critters, not the least of which is that they are making cold-blooded killers out of us all. Here those sounds all across our building? Smack! Wham! Splat! Know what that is? Fruit flies dying cruel and unceremonious deaths.

Now: When you see a fruit fly, what do you want to do? Does your reflexively move toward the unsuspecting fly to crush it instantly? What’s your technique? “First I roll my eyes, then I crack my knuckles. I might stretch my arms, then when it’s at the perfect angle, I smack,” said freshman Addie Derrik.

Who needs professional exterminators? There are some among us who have become insect-killing vigilantes, taking it upon themselves to personally eradicate the flies. “I kill about four a day,” bragged freshman Sam Ferguson. “It makes me feel like I’m doing something good for the school.”

The rise of the Drosophila Melanogaster is a very scary but very real. Students: guard your lunches and stay alert. You never know when you might see one. Can you help North Atlanta to squash this rebellion?